First Semester: Check!
Being back home, it doesn’t seem like much has changed. There’s our annual holiday family friend parties, our family excursions to Edison for our doctors appointments, to Island Spa, and of course, to Flushing, Queens for haircuts and delicious Shanghainese food and bubble tea. Same as always?
But, I feel an underlying shift in me, a manifestation of my accumulated experiences and growth from my first semester of college. I think that is what I have enjoyed about break, that time is ever-accelerating and change is inevitable, but things like family traditions help ground us to a core sense of who we are. It also makes me think about connections to high school. No matter how much we try to stay attached to those who were crucial in our coming-of-age as teenagers, we are all gaining individual experiences, conquering woes and celebrating triumphs more separately, that it seems so easy for people to drift apart. Just because of change. That also raises the question, do I become a different person because of my singular experiences that others do not share with me anymore?
At any rate, I feel this tangle of emotions whenever someone asks me, “How’s Havard?” Or “How was your first semester?” because I can’t encapsulate all the rollercoaster moments that made up my first few months at Harvard. Even reflecting now, I don’t even know where to start. But maybe, I’ll start with the list of goals I had in my first blog post that I wrote the night before going to Harvard.
meet new people and don’t be afraid to do so
This was vague, but definitely what I was most worried about. Overall, I’ve met some lovely people — from my roommates to upperclassmen mentors to great friends. I definitely am proud of myself, because I always put myself out there as much as I can. Sitting next to new people at Annenberg even towards the end of the semester? Can’t say many others are willing to do that.
Making connections in college is such a different dynamic, because there aren’t as many obligatory or convenient factors forcing you to see the same people — it’s definitely a mutual effort for people to maintain connections. I’ve met a lot of fascinating peers that I could see me being friends with, but we just don’t cross paths often, or the mutual commitment isn’t there. There are also always the “friends” that consider you as secondary or “filler” — which is annoying. But, I think I have gained enough self-respect that I don’t care much about social politics, and will express my gratitude and contribute my time and effort to those who I care about, and those who are willing to do the same for me. And I’m happy where I am right now, and grateful for those people.
2. do a fun performance organization (chorus, dance)
I actually performed in the Expressions Dance Company show! Truth be told, I was the last-ranked person to make it in our dance. Did I mention our dance was called Sex Machina with songs including Sex Talk, Say My Name, and Turn Me On? So, this was definitely out of my comfort zone, because I rarely express myself in such a daring performance setting. And, my PARENTS came to watch. I would love to do it again, only I didn’t feel like I found a community with them. A bit sad, but I’m happy I had this experience!
3. participate in some sort of magazine
I am doing this to some extent! I’m the Web Designer and did some editing as part of The Wave Asian Arts and Literary Magazine, which is a really cool initiative to support Asian anglophone voices in the arts (pretty self-explanatory, but hey, it’s cool!). I hope I can get more involved next semester. I have to admit, I have not been very on top of my work with that, so I hope to improve on that.
4. construct my own NLP-related, extended CS program
Unfortunately, I did not build an NLP-related program in CS, but my CS50 group and I build a cute habit tracker called On Track! And, after steeling myself to go to Dr. Stuart Shieber’s office hours, I found out about this free Python/NLPnintroductory online textbook at nltk.org/book. I’m starting to go through it (but I can’t figure out how to use the packages on VSC…) during winter break! Yay!
5. reach out to professors and try to get some research experience!
Okay, I would say that this is half-successful and has a lot of potential because, amidst crazy finals season, I managed to meet with some professors to talk about research over the summer. I’m applying to summer research in Japan, as well as a couple of on-campus programs. I also spoke with an unnamed CS professor about computational linguistics opportunities, such as through PRISE, and they basically said I need to wait to get more CS knowledge before and I can’t do much. The professor I spoke to about the Japan program also expressed similar sentiments, that it would be difficult considering my level of experience. But hey, that’s not going to stop me! I’m applying anyway and trying to learn the best I can, and I think I conveyed my passion and curiosity, so I hope I already have a foot in the door with them. And, my most successful meeting was with my Linguistics professor, where I learned about a lot of new linguistics opportunities, and she basically offered to submit a research position to me via one of the research programs!
6. participate in Classroom-to-Table
Pretty simple, but accomplished! I ate with a couple of classmates and our Linguistics professor at Grafton Street Pub. It was pretty good!
7. continue my language-learning (Japanese and/or Chinese)
Wow, I can’t believe how conflicted I was about which language to take. I did test into Chinese 140XA, Advanced Chinese for Heritage Speakers, and I really would’ve improved my Chinese. But, I wanted to explore a new language, so I was able to test into Intermediate Japanese I 120A! That was after a week of freaking out because I found out Harvard’s Beginner Japanese covers a fourth of Genki 2, so I was busy learning that up until the placement exam. Anyway, I’m very proud of my Japanese since I had never spoken it to anyone before. And, one of my professors spoke to me, saying I did a really good job this semester and improved a lot since I had never learned in a formal setting, so I’m proud.
Low Points
staying up until 2 am to work on the CS50 Test for an entire week
immediately falling ill afterwards
people being flaky
High Points
going to the Utopia boat cruise party
performing at Expressions
every bonding event for WECode (honestly one of my best decisions was to apply to WECode)
finishing pieces of writing that I was proud of, in my Expository Writing class
CS50 Final Project (bonding with my group mates over bad CS puns and debugging code)
This might sound cheesy, but even though I was more exhausted and busy than I was in high school, I can’t seem to recall too many low points because the wonderful people and opportunities I’ve had surpass the negatives by a far margin. That is, I’m exhausting my energy to do what I find fulfilling and worthwhile, and what I feel can best contribute my genuine passion and efforts to others and myself. Of course, I have sacrificed a lot of my own well-being, from sleep to just personal reflection time, so that is something I hope to improve upon. That brings me to my goals for next semester!
Take care of my health
sleeping at 1 am the latest, drinking water, not eating unhealthy at Annenberg, and exercising more often!
personal de-stress time at least once a week
Be in charge of at least one initiative and take charge in your extracurriculars
I definitely can do a lot better in The Wave and HSMBB, and I want to continue our first semester success for WECode.
Make a genuine connection to at least one new professor/TF
Keep in touch with first-semester friends and mentors (Annenberg lunches + other casual meals + meals!)
Text friends from home, family once a week
finish NLTK textbook and build a program
Better advocate for what you need/want/believe in
Do something scary
I realized that none of my goals, like last time, are purely academic. And I’d hope so, because while I do strive to do my best studying, I feel like college is the time to cultivate our sense of self and ability to do, as well as create genuine support networks. And so I hope I can better achieve that after finding my balance at Harvard in the first semester.
Indeed, I don’t think this covered even a fraction of what I have experienced this semester. Despite its ups and downs, I am most aware of my gradual increase in confidence in who I am, from being less afraid to ask or offer my thoughts, to using imposter syndrome as an impetus to gain more knowledge and wisdom. But no matter how I have or haven’t changed, I like me anyway. In any case, I think that I will look back and read this fondly after a few years — because I likely will be “changed” again.
But you know what doesn’t change? Eating Taiwanese popcorn chicken at the New World Mall in Flushing, NY. Even though it doesn’t come with garlic on top anymore, it’s still just as crunchy and flavorful.