Heading to Harvard!
It’s currently 12:22 am, August 27, 2019. I’m supposed to be waking up at 5:30 am or so to start the drive up to Cambridge, MA to begin my new life at Harvard.
To be honest, it doesn’t feel quite real yet, and I’m in a mixture of nervousness and denial, with occasional bursts of excitement. I know there’s so many amazing opportunities, so many choices, so many paths out there waiting for me to explore them. And that’s the reason I chose Harvard over my other choices — because of all these options I am privileged enough to have. But at the same time, that will make me confront one of my biggest flaws: indecision.
Yes, the reason why I am currently still awake is because I fell down a rabbit hole, checking out the Chinese 130XA Canvas page versus the Chinese 140XA Canvas page for past course materials — just to fill out on the registration survey for the Chinese placement exam which class I think I’d might place into. Even though I’m planning on taking Japanese (if all goes well with my placement exam). I think this indecision plays into a bigger issue of mine, which is confidence. I sometimes ask myself, what is it do I want? And it is quite startling to realize when even you, yourself, cannot figure out what’s in your heart. Even something as simple as dessert choice. Yikes. So, that’s another reason I chose Harvard. I want to force myself, push myself into an environment where I have to stand up for myself, my academics, my passions, and my future. And that entails, first and foremost, knowing what I want, what I believe in, and why so.
I don’t want to fall into a spiral of late-night rambling, but I spent the whole morning (I guess yesterday?) making an inspiration board of some sort. I’ll insert a picture of it — but I’m planning to put it up above my desk, where I’ll be doing work.
This semester, I’m going to challenge myself. To be comfortable with being uncomfortable. To not be afraid and just say and ask whatever the damn thing is floating around in my brain, wishing to be said. To initiate conversations, be friendly to others. Because what’s the worst that can happen? I have nothing to lose. Working my ass off, of course — it’s a privilege for me to be here. I am incredibly grateful, awed, and still in disbelief that I was one of those chosen to attend such an institution. And finally, to respect and love myself and others. That sounds simple, but holds a lot of meaning. First, for myself: I have to respect my own needs and wishes, as well as the authenticity of my voice. I have to respect my own body, and love myself, with my quirks and shortcomings — which I’m sure I’ll be reminded of in this time of transition. And, for others: I’ll be meeting people of all walks of life, so I need to remind myself to be open-minded and aware of the diversity around me, and offer bits of kindness when I can.
I have a couple of goals in mind (for first semester, at least) so here goes!
meet new people and don’t be afraid to do so
do a fun performance organization (chorus, dance)
participate in some sort of magazine
construct my own NLP-related, extended CS program
reach out to professors and try to get some research experience!
participate in Classroom-to-Table
continue my language-learning (Japanese and/or Chinese)
I know these are vague, but I’ll check in at the end of the semester to reflect on my progress. Gotta head to sleep now — Harvard’s waiting for me 😛